Now Hear This...
Our world is so full of chatter --in meetings, through media, with social networking-- it takes hard work to cut through it all and really hear what's being said. It seems like we have to almost "half-listen" sometimes, just to survive. That's a bad habit to fall into. Listening is a crucial skill for everyone, but it's especially critical for leaders.
When we really listen, we:
know what others have said know what they meant to say and leave them feeling that they've had their say. We tend to take listening for granted. "Oh, yeah, I'm a pretty good listener," most leaders will say. And then they'll mention their open door policy and how they try not to interrupt and to listen with empathy. What they don't mention is that --like all of us -- they listen well only when they want to, or have to. What's hard is how to listen when you don't want to.
Try this:
There's the rub, huh?
- Listening starts with the heart...not the ears. We have to get our hearts right first. We have to consciously care and be intentional about hearing what the other person is saying. Focus. Be calm and patient. Remember to breath. And listen. Really listen for the next couple of minutes as if your life depended on it.
- Listening takes keeping our mouths shut. When our mouths are open, our ears automatically shut down. When we hear something that we disagree with, boy it's hard to not want to refute what we've heard, isn't it? We can think faster than others can speak. So we're tempted to open our mouths and interrupt, suggest words when they hesitate or pause, and finish their sentences for them.
- Listening requires asking lots of questions to get to a good understanding. Probing questions. Clarifying questions. Confirming questions: "Is that what you're saying?" People signal when they've been heard and then you'll know that you've really listened.
Calvin Coolidge said, "No man has ever listened himself out of a job." Truly, listening is one of those qualities that separates the mediocre from the great.
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